Why You Need to Be Forgiven

Courtesy of .MegLynn. (flickr)

“To err is human.”

It’s funny how we tend to stop quoting Alexander Pope at that point.  It’s a perfect justification for having done or said something stupid.  Or, we may use it through gritted teeth to let someone know how pissed we are over what they did, but how we’re going to take the high road and only hold it against them quietly.

But the rest of the quotation is the real point: “To err is human, to forgive, divine.”

Now, when we’re the one who’s made the mistake, we automatically rely on other peoples’ forgiveness.  It’s natural.  We realize we screwed up, but we also realize everyone’s imperfect and they’ve screwed up before themselves.

But, when the shoe’s on the other foot, it’s not so easy.

Suddenly, the other guy “meant to do it” or they “didn’t even bother to apologize” or they “deserve a…” whatever.

Now most of us would agree that with little things, (someone bumps you in the hallway as you’re walking by, someone says something rude in a moment of frustration, etc.) it’s a mark of civilization and maturity to just let it go.

In these areas, we forgive, almost as a matter of course.  Whether the other person is even aware of what they did, we generally acknowledge and accept that they were not intending to injure or offend us.  Developing other qualities in our life, such as mildness and long-suffering, will make this even easier.

But what if the matter is more serious?  Is forgiveness still warranted?

In a word, yes.  Not that it’s going to be easy.  But even when dealing with the most serious of offenses, there is a solid practical basis for a policy of forgiveness:

1) Stress Relief – Letting go of offenses, even if you are justified in being upset, helps lower your stress level.  Science has proven the incredible health benefits that go along with controlling stress including lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system, improved digestion, better sleep, and eventually a longer life.  That’s a pretty strong reason to let it go.

2) Reputation – People are always watching.  And despite what Hollywood preaches, the average person still respects the strength and moral fiber it takes to forgive and forget even more than they respect the vigilante who takes matters into his own hands and serves up a cold plate of vengence on his enemies.

3) Saved Relationship – In the long run, the one who offended or injured you is more likely to be willing to apologize and try to repair the relationship if they can see you have already forgiven them.  This won’t be likely to happen if it’s obvious you’re holding a grudge.  When it comes to the jerk who cut you off on the way to work this morning, this factor doesn’t matter so much.  But what if it’s your husband who’s really pissed you off?  Isn’t it worth your marriage to open the door to reconciliation?

As a caveat, I’m certainly not a proponent of being the guy everyone walks all over.  I’m not saying that being a forgiving person equates to being a weak person who gets constantly taken advantage of.

On the contrary, if you’ve developed a well-deserved reputation for being forgiving, mild and long-suffering, you’ll earn the respect of others. You’ll find that people go out of their way to avoid offending or upsetting you because they desire your friendship.

So, ironically, being forgiving eventually results in having less to forgive.

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