Timeless Principles – Gratitude

Courtesy of kateausburn (flickr)

Have you ever noticed how over-used and under-appreciated the words “thank you” have become?

I work in a customer service call center where hundreds of people are trained to be polite and friendly 8 hours a day, 5 days a week for years on end.  As a result, I’ve noticed “thank you” has replaced “you’re welcome”.  That’s weird.

“I just got the fax you sent. Thanks very much!”

“Not a problem, thank you!”

Huh?

The question I want to ponder today is: What happens when “thank you” completely loses its meaning?

What happens to our society, to our humanity, when we forget how to be truly and honestly grateful?

A few weeks ago, the United States celebrated Thanksgiving.  Personally, I don’t bother celebrating for a number of very valid reasons.  But one of them has a direct bearing on the question of gratitude in general:

Should we need to set aside a particular day, once a year, to count the things we’re grateful for and focus on gratitude?

I would hope this happens more often than annually.

What is gratitude?

Gratitude involves two distinct, but interdependent factors:

1. Appreciation
2. Thankfulness

You see, it’s possible to appreciate something without being thankful.

We may appreciate a fine painting, a well-cooked meal, a great book, a smile… nearly anything that intellectually, emotionally or physically impresses us.  That’s great, and it’s important to be observant and open enough to new experiences and ideas that we can appreciate a lot of what we do and experience.

But appreciation alone is not gratitude.

We need to add to that feeling a desire to give something back to the individual who made it possible for us to feel that appreciation.

This is where the tires meet the road and things really start to happen.

While appreciation can create some feelings of joy and contentment, when we share them by means of a heartfelt “thank you” to the one who made it possible, we then find a source of true happiness.  This can improve our entire day, and does wonders for the one we thanked as well.

Where does gratitude go wrong?

Trouble comes from trying to offer thanks without any true appreciation backing it up.

For example, the hollow “thank you” my colleagues use to close every conversation with each other and with customers.  Thank you doesn’t belong there.  It means nothing there.  They may as well end their conversations with “alligator” or “cotton candy” for all the impact the words have.

And the worst part is, we humans have a very finely-tuned radar for false gratitude.

We can tell when thanks come grudgingly.  When presents are given with ulterior motives or out of obligation (ahem, in twelve days or so, ahem).  When someone’s hiding their true feelings behind a mask of gratitude.

There’s no appreciation there.  We can tell they don’t really care, that they don’t mean what they’re saying.

And it hits a heck of a lot harder than if they didn’t bother to thank us at all.

The key to gratitude

So what’s the key to giving (and getting) genuine gratitude?

It’s simple, really.

The key is honesty.  Honesty with ourselves and with others.

If you see something, hear something, notice something that truly moves you.  Something that makes you stop in your tracks and say, “wow.”  Something that makes you wish you’d thought of it…

That’s appreciation.  Enjoy that and emulate those who gave you the chance to feel it.

But don’t stop there.

If you can (assuming they’re alive and well,) take a moment or two to add thankfulness to the mix.

Let them know you appreciated what they did, said, wrote, thought about.  Let them know it moved you, inspired you, made you laugh.  Let them know you wish you’d thought of it yourself.

That’s gratitude.

And when you see, hear, read something that’s just not so good.  Or, maybe it’s high-quality, but just does nothing for you.

Don’t pipe up with a “thank you”  you don’t really mean just because they’re important or it seems like the right thing to do.  Find another way to fill that hole.  Tell them you like the effort, or that they made you think… or don’t say anything at all.

But don’t fake gratitude.  They’ll thank you (silently).  Believe me.

Advertisement